I've been thinking for the past month why do I feel so unsure of myself about things, and I discovered that I'm really not happy with myself. So, my next question to myself was, why am I not happy. After a lot of thinking, I found that the reason I'm not so happy with myself was because I didn't feel important, wanted, or needed in any way. I just feel like I'm here getting in people's way. That's how I have felt for most of my life.

So, basically now I question myself on what I can do to make myself want to be famous. I remember a day when I longed to be famous, like an actor. But I have discovered that that is not exactly what I need. Just to know people want me around makes me happy enough. Not money, not fame. And I think too many people wanting me around might not be so good either.

So, what can I do around here to make myself happy. Well, I came to the conclusion that there are two things that I can do. Either I can get a second job, or I can get into theater. As much as I would like to do the lather, I think that the best thing I can do for myself right now is the first.

I believe that finding myself a second job, if at the right place, would help me to get to know more people in the area, as well as give me extra income to pay off some of those unwanted bills and help me to get ahead again. And what can make a person happier than to have a small group of people to hang out with as well as not have any debt. Therefore, this is my next goal.

This coming month I am working on getting myself a second job. I am trying to avoid something like getting a job at McDonald's, but if that is what I have to do to fulfill my goal for the month, than so be it. After all, I'm just looking for something temporary for the time being. And with the extra income, I can get a couple of other things that I would like to have as well as help to pay off those bills. And right now the only thing that I would want is the Playstation 2 before I go underway. That should give me something to do for the 6 months that I will be out.

As of right now, things are getting better in my work area. People are starting to notice me and discover that I am not a slacker. I didn't start out too good but I am glad that things are improving. I still am not really friends with anyone in my work area, but I have one good one on the boat. What I really would like to do is find a couple of my old friends like Kincaid and talk to him again. He was a very good friend that I had while I was stationed in Orlando. We had a lot of great times together, and got along real well. He would have to be my best friend in the Navy. Perhaps I will set finding him as a goal for the near future. But right now the job is a bit more important.

Not much else has been going on, just discovering these things about myself. I want to get happy and start enjoying life more before I miss it. Something in the past seriously brought me down about a lot of things, especially about myself, and I am working very hard now to pick myself back up, regain confidence so to speak. I do believe that I am doing a good job, but I am not where I want to be yet.

So there we go. Now all I have to do is go out and get myself to be my happy go lucky self.