I honestly wish there was something I could say I really accomplished in the past couple of months, but to be perfectly honest, there hasn't been much at all. I just wish that when things did come up that I wanted to share with everyone I would sit down right then and write about them. I feel that would make this journal a lot more for what I wanted it to be when I started it. Who knows, maybe someday soon I will get to the point where that will be true. I am making improvements.

At least, that has been my goal lately, improving myself. Getting in the habit of doing things little by little that make me feel better about myself. Just a week and a half ago I quit smoking for the second time, and although the urge has been great, I have so far been able to stick with it. And for those of you who have not been on a naval ship where a good percentage of the crew smoke, that is a very difficult task. But why did I decide to quit? Because I wanted to better myself, and that was a start. On top of that there were times where I was finding it hard to breathe, and there was one day when I couldn't even hold my breath for 10 seconds. That is a good indication right there. I also have been starting to take vitamins daily, hoping to get my energy back up to a level where I want it. I have been dragging quite a bit lately, and I want that to change. There have been a couple of other little things, but a couple of more major things I wish to start adapting into a habit or routine is to start working out more, such as running more often, possibly even some weight lifting, as well as working on things that I haven't done before and working on this page a bit more so I can learn HTML some more. I mean, fact is, I'm still in the basics of it, but it's better than nothing, and I am hoping to improve.

I do believe that it was last journal entry where I set myself a goal of getting a job by the end of the month. That idea changed. I found that I couldn't even keep a little thing like a bowling league that I got onto. I was only on that for two weeks until they found out there was a good number of weeks I would not be able to be there. Well, the same thing holds true for a job. Looking at my schedule, I am not going to be in port very much until after WestPac is done and over with, so the job is going to have to wait until then.

Then the question is, what does the future hold for me? I honestly do not know. I don't know if I want to make the Navy a career or not. Right now, there is just so much I want to do that staying here for 20 years just does not appeal to me at all. Plus, there are many times that I miss my freedom. The freedom to make plans for the future. It's hard to do that when you are under the control of someone, the government, that can call you at any time they wish. When a war can break out at any time and you can be away from loved ones for months and months at a time. I know that is what I signed up for, but it doesn't seem as bad imagining it as it is living it. Perhaps all of this would have been different if I would have done it directly out of high school. But I got accustomed to living on my own long before I joined here, and it is something that I miss more often than not. Sure there are other times where it does not seem nearly as bad. I mean times when I think, 20 years, no problem. I never thought it to be easy, and who knows, I may still stay in and make a career of it. But that is something that only time will tell.

As for how life is right now, I am working in a different shop than I was when I signed on board. They transferred me somewhere else temporarily (6 months to be exact). But that's fine by me. I enjoy being a jack of all trades. They can keep doing that as much as they want. Come to think of it, I've only officially worked in my own rating for three months out of the two and a half years that I have been in so far, but I like that. I like doing new things. It's things like that that would help me to stay in. But again, only time will tell.

As for things between Val and me, things have gotten stronger between us. They say distance makes the heart grow fonder. Well, in our case, I would say that is true. Although we really do hate being so far apart from each other, we do love each other deeply. Unfortunately, I do not believe everyone approves of that, or believe it to be true, but I do not let that get in the way for my feelings for this woman. I just wish that a couple of my plans would follow through the way I would like them too.