I haven't been doing much. To be honest, I cannot find much to do around here. Sure it's a great place to visit because you have so much. There is a Sea World right in town, along with a couple of zoos and such. About an hour and a half away from here is Los Angeles which has Disneyland, Magic Mountain, Universal Studios, and all those other attractions I cannot think of right now. But all that is great for a visit, but I'm going to be here for a while, and those aren't really places just to hang out and go to every week or something like that.

I have found a couple of places I have been trying to visit lately though. There's a couple of places right on base that I go to. The main one I go to has the NTN trivia on it which I have been playing quite a bit. There I talk to the other players, and sometimes we have little competitions maybe betting a dollar or just bragging rights while joking at each other about certain things. That's fun, but not real active, because all you are doing is sitting in a chair and watching a TV while pushing buttons on a game board. Then there is Anchors and Spurs, the base's country bar. I have gone there a couple of times, but I really don't feel I fit in. Sure there are a couple of people in there with shorts and a shirt on and such, but most of them are dressed for the part. I've gone out a couple of times and tried line dancing and such, but so far I have gone three times and have not really gotten anywhere in there. I mean, the only people I talk to are the people I knew before I went in, but they are also talking to others around. That just bothers me a bit. I want to be social, and there I can't even really talk. I tried a couple of times, but really didn't get anywhere in a conversation. I guess country just isn't something I know really well right now.

But anyway, the place that I've been going to a lot lately is called Rosaline's. It's about 10 minutes from where I'm at. A small bar (smaller that what JoJo's was) that plays karaoke most nights, as well as has a dance floor. Not a lot of people, but a good crowd. I've already made a couple of friends there and that's the best part. I do sing karaoke while I'm there of course. Problem is, they don't have the same selection as JoJo's did, so I have to lean some new songs. But that's no big deal. I've even been thinking about trying to buy a couple of my own karaoke CDs for people to play for me. I just hope it doesn't end up like JoJo's did.

I guess I haven't mentioned that one yet. My last night there really sucked. I took a couple of guys there with me. One was a guy I was training that was supposed to take my place in the department. The other guy was a friend of his that I just met that night. We all went down and started shooting some pool and such. Very few people were showing up, and that made me a bit sad, but it was no real big deal. So I started drinking. One person bought a drink for me and that was it. Increased the kind of upset factor a bit, but still no big deal. I was shooting pool with these guys, and Udana took an interest in the one that I had just met that night, so I ended up relaying messages back and forth for her, finding things out like if he liked her and things like that. Not that it seemed like she was paying much attention to me. Again though, I was doing this for a friend, so it was no big deal. It was toward the end of the night. I had just finished up a game of pool or something and I walked back to the table. Udana had already started picking up by putting CDs away, leaving out only the ones she was going to put up, and a couple of the singers set to the side. I was getting all excited because my goodbye song was coming up. I sat down, happened to glance in the trash and saw the karaoke tickets for that night. Then I saw that lying right on top was mine! She had trashed my final song!!! That's what drew the line for me. I grabbed it and kept it, just kept looking at it for the rest of the night. I wouldn't talk to anyone. This didn't really seem to upset many people. But Udana kept trying to say goodbye and I wouldn't listen. She apologized for having me run around trying to help her hook up with that guy, but that wasn't it at all. She didn't even know. And all I could think about was the last person to leave the karaoke bar. How she had thrown them this huge party, with cake, and a veggie tray and this huge card everyone signed, as well as drank shots with them. She wouldn't even drink a shot with me, and she threw out my last song. I didn't think I was asking for much. I got her address from her that night, but a couple of days later I was leaving a ripped it up and tossed it. Now I'm thinking of writing the bar with her name on it so I can just explain in a letter what that was all about. But maybe I'm also too forgiving. But that's just something that I've been wanting to do a little worse and worse every day. She didn't really understand.... but it really hurt.

I am now living on the boat. I sleep in a bed that is pretty much the size of a coffin. In fact, I call it a coffin. A coffin with a curtain. And that curtain is all the privacy I get on that boat... so there's not much alone time left for me anymore. I'm still waiting for my computer account to be setup to get to surf the net on it so I haven't been doing much but reading and trying to find places to go about town. What is boat life like besides the coffin? Well, not much living space, they do have a couple of lobbies where you can go and watch TV or read or just talk to people or whatever. That place will probably be popular with me come the time we head out to sea. They have one galley which I rarely enjoy the food in. I know it's hard to prepare food in mass quantities but geez. Half the time I get it, it's just cold. The rest of the time it just looks all wrong. Yesterday, I couldn't eat lunch in there because when I walked in, the smell made me nauseous, and I immediately lost my apatite. I knew if I ate that day, I had a good chance of throwing up. I don't know what that smell was, but it was bad. Other than that, I don't really have a specific work job yet. I'm waiting to try to start getting qualified for things so I can actually do some stuff around here. All in good time I'm sure. I just wish I could enjoy this off time a bit more before it picks up and I don't have much time anymore, which I know will come soon enough.

Finally, Val. Well, I'm still pretty darn far away from her. I still call her every week, at least once anyway. I still care for her a great deal and do not want to lose her, period. Do I feel ready to do something about it yet? No. But I do feel closer. I think I have identified a good piece of my problem, but just a vague one. I'm not happy with myself. What is it I'm not happy about? I'm not sure. I'm working on that one. All I know is one night I got really down and this just occurred to me. Something about me and other people I think. Social skills? Perhaps I just need to come out of my shell a bit more before I want to do something like that. Perhaps I'm just waiting for some sign that she is the right one for me, because I know that I care for her a great deal, and I don't want anything happening if we do finalize this situation so to say. A little more time... I just hope she has the patience.....