So how are things going now. It has been a little while since I have last entry in here. What can I say except for the fact that I am sitting here in the Portland airport right now doing best not to show my emotion of sadness and depression. Why am I like that you might ask? Well, it's because I just saw Val's plane lift off, and I have another couple of hours before mine leaves.

Ah yes, Val. Long time since we've heard about her as well. How has she been? I think she has been doing good. As a matter of fact, I think she is doing better with herself with each visit that we make. Sure, the parting still sucks and all, but her whole attitude on life and everything are better. All my doing? I don't think so. I think she has done most of it herself, I just think I helped a little.

She came here to Oregon to finally meet my family and some of my friends. Not all of them unfortunately. Time just did not allow that (sorry David). I never made it down to Klamath like I hoped. Another couple of days of vacation and I would have been able to. I am not entirely sure what they think of her, and she doesn't either, but I don't think they disliked her. What I sensed was just them worrying for me, and hoping that I am making a right decision about seeing her. I do believe I am. I don't recall ever being this happy with a woman. Sure, she may be a bit older and all that, but we look far beyond that. We both have the same major goals, values, and everything we would like with life. We talk about how if we had a family we would eat around the dinner table, there would be family days that involved games or movie watching and such things as that, we would not allow them to be raised by the computer or the television, and be basically family people. Never in there do we concern ourselves with ever being rich, but more being happy. Money does not equal happiness, and that is something I feel has been greatly lost in todays society. And if I think one thing for sure, I am happy when I am with her.

So what all would make me happy? Well, as of right now, when I think about that question, I picture myself after WestPac, being with Val on a more permanent basis, finishing out my time in the Navy and not re-enlisting, but instead continuing on in life with new adventures. I think that I would be most happy teaching after I finish with this chapter of my life. I don't know what I would want to teach just yet, but I honestly think I would be happy doing just that. High school to be exact. Take note, teaching would not make me rich, but as I said above, money is the least of my concern. As far as money goes, I would just want to be stable. I do not need to own all the great material things of the world, nor do I have much of a desire to. There are wants of course, here and there, such as wanting a digital camera right now, but are not entirely necessary. Also, I would like to go on and raise two children of my own. I don't feel this would be accomplished the way I would like it to be in the Navy. Another reason why I would want to get out of after I am done with my time. There is so much more to do in life.

My trip here was great. I went and saw my great friend James. I wish I could see more of him, but alas, it is just something I cannot do right now. Then I went to my Dad's and had Christmas with my entire family. My mother, father, step-mother, half-sisters, step-grandmother, and sister were all there. I love the time we can all share together such as that. Something else I would like to do more, but again, I can not do that at this time. After Christmas I went and picked up Val and spent a couple of more days with James, and celebrated the new year with him. Then on the second, I took Val up to see a waterfall. The look on her face when she saw it was priceless. She loves nature just as much as I do, I just think she sees more of it right now. Then we went and visited another friend of mine, Francine. That wasn't the best time because we were kind of in an aura of sadness. I am not going to get into that though because I do not think it is my situation to tell. Then we drove to my dad's and spent about three days there. I took Val to go see Prineville, one of the towns I grew up in. She loved it there as well. Showing her around to places of my past brought back all good memories, I could not even think of any of the bad ones, not that I wanted to. But that was a wonderful feeling. Something I hadn't felt in a very long time. Hopefully something I will be able to keep even with her gone. Then, last night we drove back here to Portland and caught the plane this morning.

I hope that nobody really thinks that I feel that I need Val. It's not as much as a need as a want. I want her around. I do not need her in order to survive. That's one of the great things with her. I do not feel that I need her to survive, and she does not feel she needs me either. It's a want from both sides, and that is one of the things that I feel a relationship needs. Not only that, but also to be great friends, which we are.

What is marriage after all. I used to think it was a lot more, but I am beginning to think it is more along the lines of wanting to be with someone, spend your time with that someone, co-exist with that someone and not want leave them behind. Also, the desire to be able to explore new experiences together (such as raising a child). But not just any friend. It would have to be a friend with the same goals, the same morals, someone who you feel you could actually be and be happy with yourself. I think I am thinking of what I believe it is better than I am typing it here. But I am trying.

The question was asked a couple of times this week, are Val and I going to get married or when are we getting married? The question does not yet have an answer, but the time for answering is approaching. Only time will tell that, so for right now you can just think of it as you want to. I do feel it will all work out just as it is supposed to in the end.

On other notes, I am sure that you have noticed that I have once again began falling behind on my page. Further behind that I want to anyway. A problem that I do wish to remedy in the future. This page is something I want and enjoy, and I hope you do as well. I would also someday like to begin another web page. A page of a certain subject that I can just put a lot into. James now has a page like that, although I do not think it is a subject that I could get highly interested in, but to each his own. I have not even thought of something that I would want to get myself that involved with. But it really doesn't matter because I do not have the time to put as much effort in as I would like to. I have a difficult enough time doing that with this page as it is. But what can you expect with limited Internet access and a laptop computer, and putting a lot of time into your work because it is required.

I am in no way disappointed with my decision to join the Navy, though I joke about it quite a bit. I think it is just another event, but it is not where I wish to stay. There is so much more I want to do in this life. I've got plenty of time to think about what step I want to take after this one. As said above, I think that it will be teaching. I just hope the world doesn't change beyond the point of my being able to do that before it can happen though. I hope we don't turn into a completely computerized society where kids stay at home and learn though a teacher on the computer, homework being e-mailed. I have faith that enough people out there realize how bad of an idea that would be, although I do not believe everyone would see, and it is not my place to try to change minds. All I can do for now is go with the flow, and hope that it takes me in the right direction.